Whether it be going on a date, an interview or meeting new people at a party, trying to generate somewhat of a relationship within the first few minutes is hard (and super scary).
That fear sensationalises itself inside of you as butterflies, racing heart, throat drying up, sweat, stomach acid building and sometimes needing to go to the toilet. Some call it nervousness, nerves, anxiety or a panic attack.
Some find this feeling so uncomfortable and unbearable that they would rather NOT go on that date or interview or meeting just to avoid having to feel those feelings ever.
But what happens when the meeting, date or interview is essential to getting into a relationship, getting new business or getting a new job?
When I ran stress management workshops we often talk about the “Flight or Fight” response. Sometimes when we feel anxious or nervous, our brain has facilitated an illusion of, in most cases, a ‘worse case scenario’, an image of the most humiliating or frightening event that triggers unwanted demons like fear, rejection or seeming like a fool or failure. Because of this, our brain triggers of a safety response where we either fight the scary feelings or the “danger” or we choose to flight or run away from it. Sometimes we dont or cant literally run away from the situation, hence why we feel anxiety or dilemma “oh my god, I want to run but I cant” or “Should I, shouldn’t I”.
How much is this nervousness costing you?
Really think about it. How much has being nervous costed you already? A relationship, a job, more clients, more money? A woman doesn’t know whether she wants to be in a man who doesn’t know if he is good enough or can live up to her standards. A employer will not give you a job if you appear to be nervous and not confident about the job. Your clients will not hand over money to you if you appear to be a little unsure of whether you can get the results they want.
So what can be done?
Whether it be going on a date, going to an interview or seeing potential clients, you can still apply the same steps.
Step 1: Purpose
Be very clear of your purpose or bigger picture. What is the end game here? What is it that you are doing this for?
Whether it’s the relationship you want, the dream job or more clients, think about the outcome. Focus on how awesome it will be when you achieved your purpose or your goal.
Step 2: Visualise the End Game
Another reason why we fear or feel nervous is because we don’t know what the outcome will be. Here is where we need to focus on visualising the end game.
So imagine, five minutes after your amazing date, fantastic interview or awesome meeting and everything went very well and you achieved all that you wanted. What does that look like? What will you hear? What will you feel? What wilk you tell yourself?
That’s right! It was easy and effortless.
Now imagine if you looked back to where you started, notice how the anxiety isnt there now. And it’s not there because you already know how awesome the outcome will be.
Step 3: Trust and You Will See
Sometimes, when you know everything there is to know, prepared all that you need to prepare and have practised all you need to practise, all you gotta do is take a step back and trust.
Trust in the Universe, God and your self for taking you this far already. Hey, put it this way, you have a chance to be here when others do not! You’ve already got one step closer than the rest!
By now, I trust that you will have understood the steps and have locked it into your brain so that the next time you ever start coming up with illusions of fear and start to feel physical sensations of nervousness, you know what to do!